The Flirting Forum Episode 1: What is Flirting anyway?

I had a conversation with my good friend Duncan Richards the other day, in which he said, “Corban, I think I’m uncomfortable with the idea of flirting with more than one girl in a week.”  This statement inspired a project we have titled the Flirting Forum.  The Flirting Forum has consisted of an ongoing email thread where we have exchanged various thoughts, proposed definitions, video tutorials, stories, and hypotheses on flirting.  The following text is first edition of an ongoing series, The Flirting Forum.

Hey Corban,

So apparently what I thought was flirting is actually just talking.

"Flirting usually involves speaking and behaving in a way that suggests a mildly greater intimacy than the actual relationship between the parties would justify"- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flirting (the "types of flirting" section is particularly interesting- the only ones I think I do are "tease", or maybe "banter")

Here's the flirting you've (rightly) characterized by its secular intents. But even so, I think itincludes "Christian" flirting techniques (if there are such things).

I'm starting to think that my Christian understanding of flirting was that maybe you talk to attractive girls more than a few minutes... so there may be room to grow. I'm debating it.

I feel a blog post coming on. I may be able to crank something out this weekend.

- Duncan

Hi Duncan,

Hahahaha!  I might be wrong, but my guess is you're not alone, especially in the Christian community.  It seems like the community split amongst two equally peculiar, counter-cultural (if that's what you want to call it) views on flirting.  Flirting is either a catch all for every sort of inter-gender interaction or an unspeakable term that is reserved only for verbal foreplay that inevitably leads to sex!  

If you pair your former understanding of flirting as "talking" with your previous statement that you are uncomfortable flirting with more than 1 girl in a week, we are led to the brilliant conclusion that Duncan Richards is uncomfortable talking with more than 1 woman in a week!  This seems like a very difficult way to live.  If you go on a date during the week, do you have to postpone talking to your mom until next week?  

I actually really like the wikipedia definition you provided.  Especially, flirting as, "verbal or written communication as well as body language by one person to another, suggesting an interest in a deeper relationship with the other person."  I think this definition best captures the intentions and experience of flirting (or at least as I have understood it...no I did not personally write the definition of flirting in wikipedia!).  

While I definitely don't hold the same (seemingly) common negative connotations towards flirting, I do think these connotations are to some degree affirmed in the Oxford English Dictionary definitions listed below: 

• 1 [no object] behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions: it amused him to flirt with her
• (flirt with) experiment with or show a superficial interest in (an idea, activity, or movement) without committing oneself to it seriously: a painter who had flirted briefly with Cubism
• (flirt with) deliberately expose oneself to (danger or difficulty):

I definitely don't think flirting is only used for mere amusement.  However, I do think flirting is often strategic, generally used to establish a level of relational closeness that doesn't (actually or yet) exist.  

This is a lot for one email...I will send my video tutorials in a different email. 

-Corban