The XXXX Date Part III

*Note: If you have not yet read the XXXX Date Part I and Part II, please do yourself, this story, and Don a favor and go back and read Parts I and II first.

I seems that many Christians my age are enamored with the idea of reconciliation.  I think to some degree many of them think that there is such a thing as a Biblical Break Up and that involves complete reconciliation.  Now I am not opposed to reconciliation, I just think interpersonal reconciliation of former romantic partners may involve a great deal of distance and a great deal of time, perhaps even until the new heaven and the new earth, I don’t know.  Was it reconciliation that inspired this peculiar night?  I did not even have a full week to ponder this question, before I got a text from Don saying that he had gotten back together with Brooke.  I immediately called Don.  “What the Sheol are you thinking!  You had to text me that! You couldn’t even call me up and say that like a man or independent woman!”  That conversation, like their second relationship, didn’t last very long.

I couldn’t believe it!  All of my inferences had to have been true!  There was definitely a secret plan engineered by our exes to help Brooke get back together with Don.  That probably also meant that I was right about my ex wanting to either murder or marry me.  I did check my food for either poison or a ring for the next few weeks, just as a precaution.* Don and Brooke’s second round didn’t even last a month!  How could it have lasted a month? It was destined to fail!

One of my life rules is: think thoroughly about what you are about to do before you make the decision to do it.  While I commonly break this rule, it is a hard and fast rule, when it comes to romantic relationships.  And Don was holding to it with his break up.  Unfortunately it seems like it went out the window the second time around.  In all honesty though, Don is quite a thoughtful person and probably actually put a lot of thought into his decision to get back together.  If this is the case though, how did it happen?  While many of our friends have submitted different theories, I think there are two major influences in this “misguided” decision.  You just don’t have a whole lot of avenues to meet singles in this stage in life.  While I do not agree with the following sentiment, sometimes it feels like if you missed the relationship train in college, you missed the train all together.  In addition, it seems that Don had slipped into the false reality of the XXXX date, the world of happiness where true emotional connection and recognition of dysfunction are both surprised.

All this to say, if you find your self on a date with your ex, be careful about raising your drink to take a sip, your cup probably has a hole in the bottom of it and your probably going to get water down your shirt.

*While I am still alive, there has been a strange scratch in my throat for a few weeks.

The XXXX Date Part II

*Note: I failed to properly introduce the last post, The XXXX Date.  This was the first post in the ongoing series, Where Do I Meet People in This Stage in Life? In this semi-regular series, I will explore different places, events, tools, and strategies through which to meet single people in my age demographic.  Most of these places have been recommended to me, but some I have come up with on my own. 

After reading Part I of The XXXX Date, a friend of mine told me, “Be careful about how many Xs you string together on the internet.  It is the internet after all.  You never know what people will associate that title with.”  Well to my friend and anyone else who is struggling with the subtleness of this layered message: this title is explicitly trying to evoke connotations of pornography and that which is associated with XXX material.  It is argued that pornography establishes a false reality, suppresses true emotional connection, and leads to unhealthy real-world relationships.  Yes, this title does seek to make a not-so-subtle subtle connection between the negative impact of pornography and going on a date with your former significant other.  I hope we are now on the same page and I truly hope we are all also now on the same webpage. 

When last we left our heroes,** they had left the watering hole and went on to live very separate, very single lives (just like everyone’s exes…in most cases). 

As I drove Don back to his house, I tried to make a list in my head of all the themes, signs, and storylines of the date that I had inferred rather than observed.  While the whole concept of going on a double date made up of two ex-couples is quite ridiculous in its very nature, I had probably allowed myself to mentally construct many of the elements that I had found particularly frightening.  Our exes weren’t really conspiring to either murder or marry us.* There probably were no secret plans to get back together on anyone’s part.  Right? 

“That wasn’t that awkward,” Don pulled me out of my thoughts with his attempt to illicit a comment out of me that would hopefully serve to normalize our experience.  “It could have gone worse,” I replied, not fully convinced either way.  We discussed how silly it was that all four of us avoided actually admitting how unheard of and ridiculous the whole idea of a XXXX date was.  While both Don and I were quite ready for this type of candidness, it seemed like our former counterparts were especially set on living in a reality where the event that just took place was a completely normal everyday occurrence and a natural part of every former romantic relationship.  When we were saying our goodbyes, Don’s ex had chided me, saying, “Now was that too hard for you, was it?  You didn’t have to make such a big deal out of that.”  Yeah, like this type of thing happens all the time!  Who knows, in that reality, maybe the entire population of the “non-alcoholic” beverage consumption center was made up of multiple sets of former couples on casual dates with one another.  I couldn’t say, I don’t live in that ridiculous, fictitious, candylandesque world! 

As our debrief continued, to my surprise Don confidently stated, “All I am remembering of my relationship with Brooke are the happy times, the joyful moments, the times where it worked.”  Don had previously outlined some pretty significant reasons for his break up with Brooke, thus I was shocked that in one night someone could forget such sizable walls that had impeded their relational closeness.  It was like Don had built a house with room in it where he had set up 5 ten foot standing walls throughout the room that prevented you from going from one side of the room to the other, then he went out of town for two months.  When he came back to the house, he decided it was a good idea to use that room to run sprints down the center of the room, from one end to the other.  It was as if Don had bought a cup with a hole in the bottom of it, put on some sunglasses and then went to the faucet and started pouring water in it, in the hopes that he would eventually be able to drink out of the cup.  It was like Don had asked me if going on a date with his ex-girlfriend was a good idea, I told him no, and he did it anyway.  Had he not fully processed the break up?  Did he really have so few opportunities to meet single women that he not only said yes to a date, but he was actually considering his ex as a viable dating option?  Before this evening, I hadn’t gone on a date in a month and a half.  Was I as opportunity deprived as Don was?  Would I consider my ex as a viable dating option?  Nope!  That idea would be crazier than going on an xxxx date.  I turned to Don and told him, “Recite back to me all the reasons you broke up.”  He did and with that I dropped him off and we went to bed.  

*Or heroines, depending on whose side you are on

*Or victims, depending on your perspective

*If you think that putting the words murder and marry in the same sentence is redundant, to you I recommend you go here.