*Note: I failed to properly
introduce the last post, The XXXX Date. This was the first post in the ongoing series,
Where Do I Meet People in This Stage in Life?
In this semi-regular series, I will explore different places, events, tools,
and strategies through which to meet single people in my age demographic. Most of these places have been recommended to
me, but some I have come up with on my own.
After reading Part I of The XXXX Date, a friend of mine told me,
“Be careful about how many Xs you string together on the internet. It is the internet after all. You never know what people will associate
that title with.” Well to my friend and
anyone else who is struggling with the subtleness of this layered message: this
title is explicitly trying to evoke
connotations of pornography and that which is associated with XXX
material. It is argued that pornography
establishes a false reality, suppresses true emotional connection, and leads to
unhealthy real-world relationships. Yes,
this title does seek to make a not-so-subtle subtle connection between the
negative impact of pornography and going on a date with your former significant
other. I hope we are now on the same
page and I truly hope we are all also now on the same webpage.
When last we left our heroes,**
they had left the watering hole and went on to live very separate, very single
lives (just like everyone’s exes…in most cases).
As I drove Don back to his house, I
tried to make a list in my head of all the themes, signs, and storylines of the
date that I had inferred rather than observed.
While the whole concept of going on a double date made up of two
ex-couples is quite ridiculous in its very nature, I had probably allowed
myself to mentally construct many of the elements that I had found particularly
frightening. Our exes weren’t really
conspiring to either murder or marry us.* There probably were no secret plans
to get back together on anyone’s part.
Right?
“That wasn’t that awkward,” Don
pulled me out of my thoughts with his attempt to illicit a comment out of me
that would hopefully serve to normalize our experience. “It could have gone worse,” I replied, not
fully convinced either way. We discussed
how silly it was that all four of us avoided actually admitting how unheard of
and ridiculous the whole idea of a XXXX date was. While both Don and I were quite ready for
this type of candidness, it seemed like our former counterparts were especially
set on living in a reality where the event that just took place was a
completely normal everyday occurrence and a natural part of every former
romantic relationship. When we were
saying our goodbyes, Don’s ex had chided me, saying, “Now was that too hard for
you, was it? You didn’t have to make
such a big deal out of that.” Yeah, like
this type of thing happens all the time!
Who knows, in that reality, maybe the entire population of the
“non-alcoholic” beverage consumption center was made up of multiple sets of
former couples on casual dates with one another. I couldn’t say, I don’t live in that
ridiculous, fictitious, candylandesque world!
As our debrief continued, to my
surprise Don confidently stated, “All I am remembering of my relationship with
Brooke are the happy times, the joyful moments, the times where it
worked.” Don had previously outlined
some pretty significant reasons for his break up with Brooke, thus I was
shocked that in one night someone could forget such sizable walls that had
impeded their relational closeness. It
was like Don had built a house with room in it where he had set up 5 ten foot
standing walls throughout the room that prevented you from going from one side
of the room to the other, then he went out of town for two months. When he came back to the house, he decided it
was a good idea to use that room to run sprints down the center of the room,
from one end to the other. It was as if
Don had bought a cup with a hole in the bottom of it, put on some sunglasses
and then went to the faucet and started pouring water in it, in the hopes that
he would eventually be able to drink out of the cup. It was like Don had asked me if going on a
date with his ex-girlfriend was a good idea, I told him no, and he did it
anyway. Had he not fully processed the
break up? Did he really have so few
opportunities to meet single women that he not only said yes to a date, but he
was actually considering his ex as a viable dating option? Before this evening, I hadn’t gone on a date
in a month and a half. Was I as
opportunity deprived as Don was? Would I
consider my ex as a viable dating option?
Nope! That idea would be crazier
than going on an xxxx date. I turned to
Don and told him, “Recite back to me all the reasons you broke up.” He did and with that I dropped him off and we
went to bed.
*Or heroines, depending on whose side you are on
*Or victims, depending on your perspective
*If you think that putting the words murder and marry in the
same sentence is redundant, to you I recommend you go here.
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